Tools to Help Support Someone Who Is Grieving
Grief touches everyone, and while we can’t fix someone’s pain, we can walk beside them with empathy, patience, and understanding. This toolkit offers guidance for friends, educators, coworkers, and community members who want to support a grieving person with care and compassion.
What To Do
Supporting someone who is grieving starts with presence, not solutions. Here are simple, effective ways to be a steady, comforting presence:
- Listen without interrupting: Don’t interpret, evaluate, or offer advice unless asked.
- Acknowledge the person who died: Say their name, ask about memories, and don’t be afraid to bring them up.
- Validate their emotions: Repeat back what you hear: “I hear that you’re very sad today. I’m here for you.”
- Encourage self-care: Remind them to eat, sleep, move, and rest.
- Support their grief expression: Invite them to draw, write, cry, or talk about their loved one.
- Allow them space: If they need a minute to step out or some quiet time, respect the pause.
- Normalize their feelings: Grief looks different for everyone, and all emotions are okay.
What Not To Do
Even with the best intentions, certain responses can minimize or dismiss someone’s grief. Avoid the following:
- Don’t expect them to “bounce back” into everyday activities.
- Don’t suggest that their grief has gone on too long.
- Don’t take outbursts or emotional reactions personally—they’re part of the grieving process.
What You Can Say
Simple, honest words can be the most
powerful:
- “I will always support you in any way I can.”
- “I’ve been thinking about you.”
- “If you ever want to talk about your special person, I’m here to listen.”
What Not To Say
Phrases that attempt to “fix” grief often hurt more than help:
- “It could be worse…”
- “At least…”
- “They’re in a better place.”
Grief Tips Sheet: A Resource for Schools, Workplaces, and Community Groups
The Valerie’s House Program Department has created a downloadable version of the Grief Tips Sheet for schools, organizations, and businesses. Whether you’re supporting grieving students, coworkers, or community members, this resource offers clear guidance on what to say and do.
Download the Grief Tips SheetHow You Can Get Involved
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