What do Spiderman, Batman, Superman, and Disney princesses Anna, Elsa, Belle, and Jasmine have in common? (Besides being popular Halloween costumes and beloved heroes). They have all lost their parent(s). These larger-than-life characters experienced a tragedy that each of our children and teens at Valerie’s House knows all too well. While we enjoy the movies, connecting with the characters, and dressing up as them, the feelings that come along with grieving the death of a loved one are deep and lasting. A common emotion we often hear shared at Valerie’s House is fear.

In the spirit of spooky season, with Halloween upon us, many are embracing fear and even joining in on scary costumes, decorations, and activities like haunted houses. While this can all be done for fun, and many even find catharsis in the after-feelings of “being ok” and enjoying a shared experience, fear is very real and ever-present in varying degrees amongst children, teens, and adults who are grieving.

For children who have lost a parent, many fear, “What if my other parent dies, too?”

For teens grieving the death of a parent who died from an illness, many express fear, “What if I get sick and die, too?”

For adults who are grieving and caring for grieving children, fears like, “What if something happens to me? What if something happens to my children?” are often expressed through tears.

At Valerie’s House, one of our Group Night rules is, “It’s ok to feel.” That’s it. It’s ok to feel happy, sad, worried, guilty, angry, afraid, etc. It’s ok to feel fear; that’s normal.

During one of our group night activities recently, the children, teens, and caregivers all shared different worries and fears. We then discussed ways to access relief from these worries and fears. We talked about what it feels like to “be grounded in our feelings.” Each person decorated a rock with a word, phrase, or picture that helped them access their peace.

“It’s all going to be ok.”

“Peace”

“Breathe.”

These special “grounding rocks” can be carried in pockets, purses, and backpacks and remind us that when we have fear, we can come back to our center and find some peace.

What do superheroes, Disney Princesses, and Valerie’s House kids all have in common? They’ve lost someone they love and still show up every day with courage, dreams, and hopes, and they make our world better and brighter!