Valerie’s House mom Rochelle Pitts penned the following open letter for publication in the Collier County Bar Association Foundation’s magazine, Adverse Witness. The story will appear in print in the July 2021 issue.

On December 22, 2020, my husband, Jesse Pitts, died in a car crash on his way home from work, just a few miles from our house. He was 32 and I was 30. He is the father of two girls, one boy, and another girl on the way. He doted over his children and was the best father I have ever seen.

I knew something had to be wrong on the night he died because he was taking longer than usual to get home. He didn’t reply to my text, but I didn’t want to panic. I figured I would go to the store and if I still hadn’t heard from him, then I would call around.

When I was at Target, I received a call from an unknown number. I picked it up to find a representative from Lee Memorial Hospital on the other end. They told me Jesse was in critical condition and I needed to get there immediately. My heart sank and my stomach turned, but I thought, “There is no way I am one of these people getting a call like this. I can’t be one of those people.”

I tried to keep calm and rushed our three children to the hospital. I kept hoping that maybe Jesse lost a leg or maybe would be in a coma for a short amount of time but ultimately recover.

My memory of getting to the hospital is blurry. I told two family members and they notified everyone else. I couldn’t sit down. I just kept pacing around the waiting room. The nurse came out and told me she was sorry, but Jesse was internally decapitated from the car wreck. They tried everything, but there was nothing they could do.

ROCHELLE SITS AT HER HUSBAND'S BEDSIDE IN THE HOSPITAL.

I remember falling to my knees and begging them to let me see him. They kept him on a ventilator, as he was able to donate four organs, so I was able to lay by his side for three days. I was six months pregnant so I tried to get as many “maternity” photos as I could. Not only did he leave behind three children who adored him, but another daughter who would never know him. On Christmas Eve at 11:50 p.m. we all walked Jesse down the hall for a “hero walk,” as he was taken to the operating room to donate his heart, liver, and two kidneys.

He saved four people’s lives on Christmas day. This was good news, but we were on the painful side of the situation. While four people received the best news they would ever hear, we were saying goodbye to our loved one. It felt like we were stuck in a tragic holiday movie.

I refused to sleep. I couldn’t. The thought that I could go to sleep but he couldn’t made me sick, so I stayed awake until I passed out. When I passed out and awoke early in the morning, I realized this was not just a nightmare. It was my new reality. I became hysterical again and, of all people, I called my previous boss, Allan Parvey, at 6 in the morning.

I’m in my last year of law school at Ave Maria School of Law in Naples, and prior to that I worked at Parvey and Cavenago Attorneys, P.A., for nearly six years. I have a very good relationship with Allan and see him as a father figure. When I called him, I was hysterical. He said he was sorry and that I would pull through this somehow. Then he said, “Let me call Valerie’s House. They will know what to do.”

I had no idea what that even was, but I trusted him and said okay. I could hardly function, let alone make a call to this place. I didn’t have to though, they called me.

They were kind and soft-spoken. They told me to come with the kids. They told me it was a grief group and, even though I told myself there was no way these people could help me, I went.

I am so glad that I made myself and the kids go to Valerie’s House. When we all got there the first night, I remember telling myself, “You can just drive away and they will never know.”

I think admitting that I was about to join a group of people who had lost a loved one was too much to take. I wanted to fight it. I didn’t want to be part of this group.

I didn’t drive away though. I was lost and knew I needed to try and go. I was put in a group with other widows and my children were put into age-appropriate groups with other grieving children. I was very teary, but I listened to everyone else speak.

I finally felt normal.

I hadn’t felt normal in weeks, and now that it’s been six months without Jesse, I still say the only place the kids and I feel normal is when we go to Valeries House. I didn’t realize how badly I was missing that, because once someone close to you dies, normalcy goes away.

I have so many feelings that I never knew existed and need an outlet for them. By going to Valerie’s House and writing on my blog, I realized I wasn’t alone. Grief can be a nasty monster and the only thing worse is thinking you have to face it alone. The truth is none of us are.

Baby Wren, with whom Rochelle was pregnant when Jesse died.

I am in several widow groups and I have realized that resources like Valerie’s House are few and far between. This is upsetting because without Valerie’s House I am not sure we would be doing okay. The house makes us feel validated, which is probably one of the most important things to have while grieving. Validation lets you know you are normal. Society means well but does a poor job helping those who are grieving, simply because they don’t know what to do. People want to make the griever better, but all you can really do is validate their feelings and support them, which is something Valerie’s House excels at. My children have a safe space to speak about their father, and when they do, they hear, “Me too!” from the other children; whereas, at school they often stay quiet because they know their classmates will not understand.

I hope Valerie’s House continues to grow and can support families in more locations. Since going there, my children and I have made awesome friends that we see outside of the house. We finally feel like we may be normal somewhere.

Valerie’s House is fully supported by donations from the community. Please help them if you can by making a donation in honor of all husbands lost too soon. You can find information online at www.valerieshouse.org.

About Valerie’s House

Valerie’s House is the only organization of its kind in Southwest Florida with the sole mission of helping children grieve the loss of a loved one. It is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization supported by community donations to provide cost-free grief support to families. The mission of Valerie’s House is to help children and families work through the loss of a loved one together and go on to live fulfilling lives. Our vision is that No Child Will Grieve Alone.

With locations in Fort Myers, Naples, and Punta Gorda, as well as a satellite program in Pensacola, Valerie’s House is a special place where children connect with one another and learn the tools to heal after they have experienced the death of someone they love. Learn more about our work, volunteer opportunities, and more at ValeriesHouse.org.