Southwest Florida nonprofits are helping people through their darkest days.
The need is especially great this year. Food banks have record demand, and nonprofits such as Valerie’s House say it’s busier than ever.
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Cynthia Williams
Special to Fort Myers News-Press
Dozens of articles have been published about Angela Melvin and Valerie’s House, the nonprofit she founded in 2016 with the mission to “help children and families work through the loss of a loved one together and go on to live fulfilling lives.” Doubtless, all who are familiar with Valerie’s House know that its founder named the organization after her mother, Valerie Melvin, who died in 1987.
But to fully appreciate Melvin’s vision — "that no child will grieve alone” — it is necessary to step inside the front door of the house in the Town & River neighborhood in Fort Myers on the afternoon of July 16, 1987, and to hear a child crying.
"Daddy, what's wrong?"
The 10-year-old is moving blindly through the house, screeching, her shrieks ear-piercing. Her face is flaming, the pupils of her eyes unnaturally dilated. But no matter how shrill her screams, she can’t beat back her father’s voice in her ears saying, “Your mother is dead.”
The child’s terror strikes her father’s heart like bright, flashing blades until finally he stops her, catches her in his arms and holds her tight, as her body, like a surging heart, kicks against his.
Angela: “My mother died July 16, 1987, around 3 p.m. She was on her way to pick my sister and me up from summer camp at the skating rink near what is now Six Mile Cypress and 41. She and her friend had been at Fort Myers Beach on what was one of my mom’s rare days off [work]. They had stopped at my dad’s furniture store near Summerlin and Gladiolus. After leaving there, they took Gladiolus to 41.”
Valerie Melvin was killed when her friend drove across the center line on “dead man’s curve,” just west of Lakes Park, and collided head on with a pick-up truck.
Angela and her little sister, Lisa, waited almost an hour for their mother to pick them up that afternoon. Their summer camp counselors began making phone calls and a while later, the girls’ grandmother arrived. Told them she was taking them home with her until their mother was found.
They were playing in their grandmother’s yard when their uncle drove up. Angela’s father got slowly out of the passenger side of the front seat. As he approached his daughters, they could see he had been crying. The girls clutched at him. “Daddy, what’s wrong? Daddy, where’s Mommy?”
Angela: “He walked my sister and me in the house and sat us down in the bedroom and told us, ‘Your mother is dead.’
“That night, lying in bed beside Lisa, I asked my father, ‘Are you sure she isn’t coming back?’ And through tears he said, ‘Yes, I’m sure.’”
To be told that the mother you saw in the morning is dead in the afternoon of the same day is a physical sensation. It’s like having your brain ripped from your skull. It’s like blacking out.
Learning to grieve
Angela was a freshman at the University of Florida when she finally began to grieve the loss of her mother. She had not known what to do with her pain and fear, so she had locked them down tight, afraid that if they got loose, they might devour her.
She had not known that grieving should be a natural, healthy process, not a silent, hidden one. She had inferred, from the stoicism of her mother’s own parents, that she should not display her pain. That sorrow must be borne privately.
Angela: “I spent the majority of my childhood rarely talking about my mother. Because my mother died in the summer, it was a lot easier for me to hide what happened. This began the inner turmoil of hiding her death. I never wanted anyone to see me as ‘less than’ or weird. I just didn’t mention it.
“My dad never did, either. In fact, no one did. He cried for a little that first year, and certainly that first Christmas, but as time went on, the pictures of their wedding and our life with my mother came down from the shelves and off the walls of our home. He started dating again. He remarried. My mother was rarely spoken of again.
“I’ve asked my dad why he never talked about my mother to us. He told me it was too hard. He said no one ever brought her up to him either. We all grieved in silence. We all grieved alone.”
Through her middle and high school years, Angela stayed feverishly busy. She had a lot of friends and extracurricular activities. She studied hard, driven to excel, dreaming of doing grand things in a world far from Fort Myers.
Angela: “I was a big dreamer…extremely ambitious. Grief experts say that whatever a child was like before the death often becomes exaggerated or on overdrive after the death. After my mom died, I became an overachiever.”
In June 1998, Angela’s brand new degree in journalism and communications, along with a good measure of brazen determination, landed her an on-air job at an ABC station in Columbus, Georgia. Over the next 10 years, she also worked in television stations in Tennessee, the Florida panhandle, and West Palm Beach.
Angela: “It was while working in Tennessee in 2003 that I heard about a special grief camp for children. I became a counselor that summer. It was the first time in my life that I saw how children in pain connected and needed each other, needed to talk about their loss. A seed was planted in my mind.”
It was while working at the NBC station in West Palm Beach that Angela discovered a little house for grieving kids called, “Hearts and Hope.” Angela met the director and toured the house with the intention of becoming involved in the program, but instead, she accepted the position of communications director in Washington, D.C. for a friend who had just won a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives.
A dream come true
Two years later, Angela decided she needed a break and that, as “it had been almost 20 years since I left Fort Myers, maybe I needed to go spend some time with my family.”
To the great good fortune of generations of children to come, Angela Melvin moved back to Fort Myers in 2012, and while working as a TV traffic anchor in the early mornings and managing a local chapter of Big Brothers Big Sisters, began looking for a grieving child to spend time with. Ironically, she had no idea where to find one.
Then she met a 6-year-old girl named, Camryn, whose mother had died from a sudden brain aneurysm. When her father said helplessly to Angela, “We don’t know where to go or what to do,” her heart broke.
That was it. Time to act. She had no idea how, but she had to do something for grieving families.
She began to scribble the words, “Valerie’s House,” in a notebook she carried around with her. She began to keep notes on what Valerie’s House would be like, and what it would take to build it.
Angela: “I wanted a safe place where kids could be themselves and talk about their grief, instead of bottling it up for years like I did. I also didn’t want children to feel ashamed of their loss or that they were somehow broken. I wanted them to see they weren’t alone, and that it was OK to grieve, to share memories.
“One day when I was telling someone about Valerie’s House, I said ‘It will be a place where they learn that loss doesn’t have to limit their dreams.’ I said that off the cuff, as I remembered having big dreams when I was little. My dad told my sister and me that we could still have everything we wanted out of life, despite our mom being gone. That really helped me believe in myself.”
At first, Valerie’s House was nothing but the scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but in 2014 and 2015, with help from her friends, Angela began to snap the pieces together and her dream began to take shape. When a businessman, Stephen Bienko, offered her his home in historic Dean Park, the dream became reality.
Angela: “As soon as I walked in, I knew it was Valerie’s House. It was built in the early 1900s and had such a special feel, a lot of light, high ceilings, and separate rooms for the kids to meet. It even had a backyard area where they could hang out.
“Valerie’s House scheduled its first grief support group in January 2016. I wondered if anyone would actually show up. Boy, did they ever. That first night we had 25 children and their parents.
“To date, we have had more 1,000 children and their families come through Valerie’s House. We have added a house in Naples and started a group in Punta Gorda in 2019. Next year, we will open a Valerie’s House in Pensacola.
“We have grown from a small volunteer staff to a professional staff of 10, including three licensed social workers and counselors. Some of the kids who started with us four years ago are mentoring grieving children in our program today.”
And, “We have been gifted a one-acre parcel by the city of Fort Myers to build our dream home and headquarters!”
When children are asked how Valerie’s House has helped them, the answer is essentially the same, always. “It has taught me that I am not alone,” “given me friends and a family,” “taught me how to open up,” “helped me find my voice,” “changed my life forever,” and sweetest of all, “Valerie’s House saved me.”
“My dream,” says big dreamer Angela, “is that Valerie’s House will always be a place for grieving children, even well beyond my lifetime. Children will never have to grieve alone again.”
To read the short, remarkable history of Valerie’s House, to meet the staff and the children, to learn about its programs and plans for the future, please visit valerieshouseswfl.org.
In the past 90 days, 67 new children have signed up for the Valerie’s House program. But current members like Jason Bishop said, he’ll be one of the first in line to get back inside.
“Feeling like I’m home and feeling like I have friends and family all in one together,” said Valerie’s House teen, Jason Bishop.
FORT MYERS, Fla. - August 1, 2020 - Come Monday morning Aug. 3, Valerie’s House will be back open for in-person grief support groups.
“There’s a lot of energy right now leading up to this opening,” said Valerie’s House Founder and CEO Angela Melvin. “When we reached out to the families, overwhelmingly they said we want to come back even if it means it looks different or we have to wear a face-covering or we have to stay a little more apart than we normally would.”
Face coverings are just one of the many additions to Valerie’s House due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Everyone must social distance and hand sanitizers will be placed throughout the house.
“Being back in person is very important. It’s very important to just be able to come together and even if it’s just looking into each other’s eyes and being able to connect.”
Over 80 children joined our program, including children who’ve lost family members to COVID-19, since the pandemic started. We are so excited to reopen our doors!
Click here to read the full story.
FORT MYERS, Fla. - July 31, 2020 - Valerie's House is resuming in-person grief groups.
Over the past 90 days, Valerie's House says over 60 children have joined its grief support program, including children who've lost family members to COVID-19.
The organization has been hosting virtual sessions since the start of the pandemic but says it's now time to welcome families back.
For kids and teenagers like Jason Bishop, Valerie's House provides a safe place for them to grieve the loss of a loved one.
"If I didn't come here, I'd probably have every emotion bottled up, and it wouldn't be pretty," said Jason.
Jason lost his dad in 2018, and recently his mom in a car accident — now he leans on Valerie's House in Fort Myers for support.
"My grandma kind of pushed me to come here, I wasn't really too excited about it in the beginning, but after I got with the first and second group I felt a lot more comfortable," said Jason.
For the past four months, the non-profit has been hosting its grief support groups virtually.
"When the pandemic first started, we knew right away we were going to have to close the physical doors because most of our group nights run 40 to 50 people," said Angela Melvin, CEO & Founder of Valerie's House.
But now, Melvin says it's time to welcome back their families for in-person group nights.
On Monday, March 30, 2020, Valerie’s House launched its first virtual grief support groups. As a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, groups are not able to meet at Valerie’s House’s three locations. In order to continuing supporting families through the crisis, Valerie’s House adopted policies and procedures to provide group support through Zoom for Healthcare. The HIPAA compliant software will help maintain each participants privacy that they’ve come to expect with their grief support groups at Valerie’s House.
kobe bryant and daughter gianna (13) both killed in helicopter crash.
source: CNN
Fort Myers, Florida – January 27, 2020 – The death of basketball icon, Kobe Bryant and eight others in a helicopter crash, may bring up difficult questions from children about death. Valerie’s House, the first and only organization in Southwest Florida focused solely on helping children grieve, is offering tips on the best ways to approach a conversation about grief and loss with a child.
“It is normal for humans to grieve the loss of a celebrity or athlete such as Bryant,” said Valerie’s House Program Director, Amy Strom LCSW-QS, M.S.S.A., M.Ed. “Children and adults often create connections with celebrities by idolizing them or viewing them as mentors.”
Strom suggests having an open conversation with a child, while keeping in mind their developmental stage and level of understanding. Strom says experiencing feelings of grief after a connection is lost is normal, even if the grief is related to a person you never met. She’s provided the following suggestions for talking to a child about death.
Identify a child’s level of understanding
Ask the child what they understand about death or grief.
A younger child may not understand the permanence of death.
Be sure to let them know they can speak openly with you and you’re there to answer their questions the best you can.
Use language and content that is appropriate for your child.
Validate their feelings, without invoking anxiety or fear.
Acknowledge that whatever they are feeling is okay, whether it be sadness or worry or shock.
Oftentimes knowledge is power. The more knowledge you provide, the less your child will “fill in the blanks” with their imagination.
If a child expresses fear of losing someone close to them, reassure them that mom or dad take safety precautions or maintain a healthy lifestyle, such as buckling up when traveling or eating healthy and exercising.
For more resources about children’s grief or to refer a child who may be grieving, visit www.valerieshouseswfl.org or call 239-204-5804.
About Valerie’s House
Valerie’s House opened in January 2016 in a cozy home in downtown Fort Myers and has grown to three locations and to help more than 800 grieving children and their families by providing a safe, comfortable place to heal together following the death of someone they love. Valerie’s House offers support groups and other activities at a home at 1762 Fowler Street in Fort Myers and a home in Naples at 819 Myrtle Terrace. Valerie’s House also holds group meetings at 1st United Methodist Church in Punta Gorda. Valerie’s House is a United Way partner agency and is fully supported through community donations that can be made online at www.valerieshouseswfl.org or by mail to Valerie’s House, Inc., P.O. Box 1955, Fort Myers, FL 33902.
9-year-old Sydney Emery has been coming to Valerie’s House for over a year with her older sister, father and grandmother. The family suffered a tremendous loss in January of 2018, when wife and mother, Jill, passed away following a long battle with breast cancer. Sydney is now able to open up to others about her grief and is helping to spread awareness for Valerie’s House.
On December 4th, 2019, Sydney volunteered to share her story of loss with a reporter who was covering a news story about Valerie’s House. When it came time for the reporter to take a tour of the Fort Myers home, Sydney was happy to show her around.
Sydney started the tour by taking WINK News Reporter Melinda Lee over to the Teddy Bear Library, a unit of shelves packed full of stuffed animals, blankets and journals. Sydney explained that children get to pick out one of the stuffed animals when they arrive at Valerie’s House for the first time.
Next up, Sydney walked Melinda over to the Memory Wall, a part of the house adorned with pictures of moms, dads, brothers, sisters and grandparents who have all passed away. Sydney pointed out a picture of her, her sister and her mother. The three of them were all smiling during a day at the beach. The picture was taken years before Jill passed away.
Sydney continued her tour with Melinda by showing her some of the artwork children at Valerie’s House have created. She explained the rules children follow during each group night. She demonstrated the colors of emotion painted on a cluster of cardboard masks. Sydney even enlightened Melinda on some of the feelings she carries on the inside related to the loss of her mother.
As Sydney walked Melinda outside to the memory garden, Valerie’s House Founder and CEO Angela Melvin joined them. Angela sat with Sydney as they both reflected on their own losses. They talked about how old they both were when they lost their moms, while Melinda grabbed video of the two of them sitting side by side on a bench, surrounded by flowers.
Sydney had to keep her visit short, as she and her family had to leave to pick up her older sister. But, Sydney was hesitant to leave, begging her grandmother to stay for just 15 more minutes. Of course, Sydney was welcome to stay as long as she liked. After all, once you come through the doors at Valerie’s House, you’re family.
View Melinda Lee’s story produced about Valerie’s House here.
Valerie’s House is one step closer to building it’s dream home in Fort Myers. On October 21, city council members unanimously agreed to lease a plot of land on Shoemaker Lane to Valerie’s House. The measure allows for Valerie’s House to pay 50$ to lease the land for 50 years. The agreement would then be renewable for an additional 49 years. Valerie’s House must clear the land off of Veronica Shoemaker Boulevard before building can begin.
Valerie’s House Founder & CEO Angela Melvin envisions a two-story home with a wrap-around porch. She says it will keep the style of a historic Fort Myers home. The features of the new home will differ from the current one. Melvin hopes to create a “volcano” room in the new home, similar to the one utilized in the Naples home. It’s a padded room equipped with punching bags and balls. Children use this room to release pent up anger or energy. Read about our Naples Home.
"The house is going to allow us to get real creative with how we work with the emotions of children," Valerie’s House Founder and CEO Angela Melvin said. Click here to read more from the News Press.
Valerie’s House (La Casa de Valerie) ofrece apoyo emocional a niños y familias que han perdido un ser querido. Los programas de Valerie’s House están designados para ofrecer a niños de edades 4 a 19 años y sus familias un lugar seguro donde ellos pueden expresar y procesar sus sentimientos relacionados con el dolor de haber perdido a su padre, madre, hermano/a, familiar, esposo/a o hijo/a.
Nuestros programas comienzan con una comida compartida y tiempo de juego para los niños. Después de ese tiempo, los niños se dividen en grupos según su edad. En estos grupos de apoyo, utilizamos actividades divertidas que incluyen arte, música, tiempo para jugar y compartir, y otros métodos que ayudan a los participantes a expresarse, todo bajo la supervisión de terapeutas clínicos licenciados y personal entrenado.
Mientras los niños se reúnen y se unen, sus padres o cuidadores adultos también se reúnen, comparten su propio dolor y se apoyan mutuamente.
Los niños de Valerie's House pueden ingresar a nuestro programa un día o un año, o incluso años después de la pérdida. No hay un tiempo establecido para que el niño entre, y pueden seguir viniendo todo el tiempo que quieran.
Estamos aceptando aplicaciones para todos los niños y sus padres o cuidadores que deseen participar en grupos de apoyo.
Si su familia necesita ayuda, comuníquese con Frances Bustamante: (818) 284-1541, frances@valerieshouseswfl.org.
Tenemos grupos cada dos semanas en Fort Myers, Naples y Punta Gorda.
1762 Fowler St., Fort Myers
819 Myrtle Terrace, Naples
507 W. Marion Ave. (First United Methodist Church), Punta Gorda
Valerie’s House es la única organización sin fines de lucro en el suroeste de Florida con su única misión de ayudar a los niños afligidos. Nuestra visión es que ningún niño estará solo sufriendo el dolor de la muerte de su padre, madre o ser querido.
Thanks to one special teen at Valerie’s House, families in Southwest Florida will get a lifeline after losing a loved one.
Austin Wolin created bags stuffed with items that will help comfort kids while they grieve. He said this is his way of giving back after Valerie’s House helped him through one of the most difficult parts of his life.
Read more and watch Austin’s story here.
“Displaying courage well beyond their years, 20 teens sat in a circle, sharing their stories of deep loss. Each one of them had experienced the death of a parent, a sibling, a grandparent. They were open, honest.”
Read MoreSharing grief, providing comfort and coping with loss are important to the children and families who come to the Fowler Street home that now serves as Valerie's House. Since 2016, the small, Southwest Florida nonprofit has offered support to grieving children and families…
Read MoreA very special serving of LOVE helps Valerie's House open the doors at its new location.
Read MoreWINK TV's Channing Frampton spoke to Valerie's House founder, Angela Melvin, about grief and loss following the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida on February 14.
Find more on this story at WINK News.
If you know a child grieving the loss of a parent or sibling, contact Valerie's House for more information about our group support programs.
How does a child begin to cope, to heal, to see a future after losing a parent? Jessica came to Valerie's House two years ago, after her mother died. Now she mentors other children and shares her story of grief and hope.
Read MoreOne in four children in Valerie's House grief support groups have lost a parent or sibling to drugs. WINK TV visited Valerie's House to meet our families and learn their stories of grief and hope.
Read MoreValerie’s House, which opened in January 2016, is a special place for children and families in Southwest Florida to connect with one another and learn the tools to heal after they have experienced the death of someone they love.
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VALERIE’S HOUSE, INC.
Fort Myers • Naples • Charlotte County • Pensacola
Phone 239-204-5804
Valerie’s House is a 501(c)3 charitable organization, registration # CH46827. A COPY OF THE OFFICIAL REGISTRATION AND FINANCIAL INFORMATION MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE DIVISION OF CONSUMER SERVICES BY CALLING TOLL-FREE WITHIN THE STATE. REGISTRATION DOES NOT IMPLY ENDORSEMENT, APPROVAL, OR RECOMMENDATION BY THE STATE. For more information, contact the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Affairs at 1-800-HELP-FLA (435-7352) or visit www.freshfromflorida.com.
© 2016-2024 Valerie's House, Inc.
