Talking to a Child About Death

Valerie’s House Program Director Offers Guidance for Parents

kobe bryant and daughter gianna (13) both killed in helicopter crash.  source: CNN

kobe bryant and daughter gianna (13) both killed in helicopter crash.
source: CNN

Fort Myers, Florida – January 27, 2020 – The death of basketball icon, Kobe Bryant and eight others in a helicopter crash, may bring up difficult questions from children about death. Valerie’s House, the first and only organization in Southwest Florida focused solely on helping children grieve, is offering tips on the best ways to approach a conversation about grief and loss with a child.

“It is normal for humans to grieve the loss of a celebrity or athlete such as Bryant,” said Valerie’s House Program Director, Amy Strom LCSW-QS, M.S.S.A., M.Ed. “Children and adults often create connections with celebrities by idolizing them or viewing them as mentors.”

Strom suggests having an open conversation with a child, while keeping in mind their developmental stage and level of understanding. Strom says experiencing feelings of grief after a connection is lost is normal, even if the grief is related to a person you never met. She’s provided the following suggestions for talking to a child about death.

Identify a child’s level of understanding

  • Ask the child what they understand about death or grief.

  • A younger child may not understand the permanence of death.

  • Be sure to let them know they can speak openly with you and you’re there to answer their questions the best you can.

  • Use language and content that is appropriate for your child.

Validate their feelings, without invoking anxiety or fear.

  • Acknowledge that whatever they are feeling is okay, whether it be sadness or worry or shock.

  • Oftentimes knowledge is power. The more knowledge you provide, the less your child will “fill in the blanks” with their imagination.

  • If a child expresses fear of losing someone close to them, reassure them that mom or dad take safety precautions or maintain a healthy lifestyle, such as buckling up when traveling or eating healthy and exercising.

For more resources about children’s grief or to refer a child who may be grieving, visit www.valerieshouseswfl.org or call 239-204-5804.

About Valerie’s House

Valerie’s House opened in January 2016 in a cozy home in downtown Fort Myers and has grown to three locations and to help more than 800 grieving children and their families by providing a safe, comfortable place to heal together following the death of someone they love. Valerie’s House offers support groups and other activities at a home at 1762 Fowler Street in Fort Myers and a home in Naples at 819 Myrtle Terrace. Valerie’s House also holds group meetings at 1st United Methodist Church in Punta Gorda. Valerie’s House is a United Way partner agency and is fully supported through community donations that can be made online at www.valerieshouseswfl.org or by mail to Valerie’s House, Inc., P.O. Box 1955, Fort Myers, FL 33902.

Valerie's House Child Takes Reporter on a Tour

9-year-old Sydney Emery has been coming to Valerie’s House for over a year with her older sister, father and grandmother. The family suffered a tremendous loss in January of 2018, when wife and mother, Jill, passed away following a long battle with breast cancer. Sydney is now able to open up to others about her grief and is helping to spread awareness for Valerie’s House.

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On December 4th, 2019, Sydney volunteered to share her story of loss with a reporter who was covering a news story about Valerie’s House. When it came time for the reporter to take a tour of the Fort Myers home, Sydney was happy to show her around.

Sydney started the tour by taking WINK News Reporter Melinda Lee over to the Teddy Bear Library, a unit of shelves packed full of stuffed animals, blankets and journals. Sydney explained that children get to pick out one of the stuffed animals when they arrive at Valerie’s House for the first time.

Next up, Sydney walked Melinda over to the Memory Wall, a part of the house adorned with pictures of moms, dads, brothers, sisters and grandparents who have all passed away. Sydney pointed out a picture of her, her sister and her mother. The three of them were all smiling during a day at the beach. The picture was taken years before Jill passed away.

Sydney continued her tour with Melinda by showing her some of the artwork children at Valerie’s House have created. She explained the rules children follow during each group night. She demonstrated the colors of emotion painted on a cluster of cardboard masks. Sydney even enlightened Melinda on some of the feelings she carries on the inside related to the loss of her mother.

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As Sydney walked Melinda outside to the memory garden, Valerie’s House Founder and CEO Angela Melvin joined them. Angela sat with Sydney as they both reflected on their own losses. They talked about how old they both were when they lost their moms, while Melinda grabbed video of the two of them sitting side by side on a bench, surrounded by flowers.

Sydney had to keep her visit short, as she and her family had to leave to pick up her older sister. But, Sydney was hesitant to leave, begging her grandmother to stay for just 15 more minutes. Of course, Sydney was welcome to stay as long as she liked. After all, once you come through the doors at Valerie’s House, you’re family.

View Melinda Lee’s story produced about Valerie’s House here.

Valerie’s House Plans to Build a New Home in Fort Myers

Valerie’s House is one step closer to building it’s dream home in Fort Myers. On October 21, city council members unanimously agreed to lease a plot of land on Shoemaker Lane to Valerie’s House. The measure allows for Valerie’s House to pay 50$ to lease the land for 50 years. The agreement would then be renewable for an additional 49 years. Valerie’s House must clear the land off of Veronica Shoemaker Boulevard before building can begin.

Valerie’s House Founder & CEO Angela Melvin envisions a two-story home with a wrap-around porch. She says it will keep the style of a historic Fort Myers home. The features of the new home will differ from the current one. Melvin hopes to create a “volcano” room in the new home, similar to the one utilized in the Naples home. It’s a padded room equipped with punching bags and balls. Children use this room to release pent up anger or energy. Read about our Naples Home.

"The house is going to allow us to get real creative with how we work with the emotions of children," Valerie’s House Founder and CEO Angela Melvin said. Click here to read more from the News Press.

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Programa de Español

Que es Valerie’s House

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Valerie’s House (La Casa de Valerie) ofrece apoyo emocional a niños y familias que han perdido un ser querido. Los programas de Valerie’s House están designados para ofrecer a niños de edades 4 a 19 años y sus familias un lugar seguro donde ellos pueden expresar y procesar sus sentimientos relacionados con el dolor de haber perdido a su padre, madre, hermano/a, familiar, esposo/a o hijo/a.

Nuestros programas son gratis, gracias a generosas donaciones, subvenciones y apoyo voluntario. 

Nuestros programas comienzan con una comida compartida y tiempo de juego para los niños. Después de ese tiempo, los niños se dividen en grupos según su edad. En estos grupos de apoyo, utilizamos actividades divertidas que incluyen arte, música, tiempo para jugar y compartir, y otros métodos que ayudan a los participantes a expresarse, todo bajo la supervisión de terapeutas clínicos licenciados y personal entrenado.

Mientras los niños se reúnen y se unen, sus padres o cuidadores adultos también se reúnen, comparten su propio dolor y se apoyan mutuamente.

Los niños de Valerie's House pueden ingresar a nuestro programa un día o un año, o incluso años después de la pérdida. No hay un tiempo establecido para que el niño entre, y pueden seguir viniendo todo el tiempo que quieran.

Para mas información:

Estamos aceptando aplicaciones para todos los niños y sus padres o cuidadores que deseen participar en grupos de apoyo.
Si su familia necesita ayuda, comuníquese con Frances Bustamante: (818) 284-1541, frances@valerieshouseswfl.org.

Ubicaciónes:

Tenemos grupos cada dos semanas en Fort Myers, Naples y Punta Gorda.

  • 1762 Fowler St., Fort Myers

  • 819 Myrtle Terrace, Naples

  • 507 W. Marion Ave. (First United Methodist Church), Punta Gorda

Gracias a Noticias WINK

 

Haga clic aquí para leer sobre nuestros servicios en español.

Valerie’s House es la única organización sin fines de lucro en el suroeste de Florida con su única misión de ayudar a los niños afligidos. Nuestra visión es que ningún niño estará solo sufriendo el dolor de la muerte de su padre, madre o ser querido.

Valerie's House Teen Creates "Coping Bags" for Grieving Children

Thanks to one special teen at Valerie’s House, families in Southwest Florida will get a lifeline after losing a loved one.

Austin Wolin created bags stuffed with items that will help comfort kids while they grieve. He said this is his way of giving back after Valerie’s House helped him through one of the most difficult parts of his life.

Read more and watch Austin’s story here.

Speaking up about Grief and Mental Health

WINK TV's Channing Frampton spoke to Valerie's House founder, Angela Melvin, about grief and loss following the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida on February 14. 

Find more on this story at WINK News.


If you know a child grieving the loss of a parent or sibling, contact Valerie's House for more information about our group support programs. 

Naples Daily News Profiles Newest Valerie's House Location

Lead facilitator Megan Goddard goes over the rules before the start of a group session on the opening night of Valerie's House in North Naples on Thursday, March 9, 2017. (Photo courtesy of Nichole Raucheisen/Naples Daily News)

Lead facilitator Megan Goddard goes over the rules before the start of a group session on the opening night of Valerie's House in North Naples on Thursday, March 9, 2017. (Photo courtesy of Nichole Raucheisen/Naples Daily News)

Valerie’s House celebrated a major milestone — the opening of a new location in Collier County. Naples Daily News shares what Valerie's House has to offer to families suffering from grief in the area. Check out the full story!

To learn more about Valerie’s House and its programs, or to volunteer or donate, click here

Fort Myers News Press Front Page Features Valerie's House

Step inside Valerie's House to find out how we are helping children and families come together to cope with loss.

Step inside Valerie's House to find out how we are helping children and families come together to cope with loss.

Valerie's House is grateful to the Fort Myers News-Press team who spent so much time visiting with us for the cover story, "Facing the grief of sudden deaths through community." 

Click on the link above, or click on the image, to read the article and watch the video.

(Photo: Andrea Melendez/The News-Press)