Written by Kaitlyn McCormack - A Valerie’s House Alum

“Any child old enough to love is old enough to mourn”- Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt

November is National Children’s Grief Awareness Month. At Valerie’s House, children's grief awareness is recognized every day. However, to people outside of Valerie’s House, the feelings of grieving children can easily be underestimated or misunderstood. For this reason, it is important to inform people how deeply grief can effect a child.

According to the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model: In the state of Florida, 1 in 11 children will lose a parent or sibling by age 18. Those who find themselves within this statistic know all too well the immense struggles that come with losing a close loved one at a very young age. Sometimes it can be hard for people who have never experienced this to fully understand the depth of a child’s feelings of loss.

For children, losing a parent often requires them to combat feelings they were not prepared for. These feelings can include isolation, guilt, shame, anger, and much more. Older kids might be more familiar with these feelings, but children of elementary age and younger might experience a wave of emotions that they have never felt before. Children may also experience new thoughts that are disturbing to them. The death may make them wonder who will die next or if they will die soon.

It is easy for a child to feel like their grief is misunderstood by those around them, especially when they are surrounded by friends at school who have not gone through the same thing. Teachers and peers, unknowingly, may be insensitive to grieving children. They may ask them to share too much or disregard the death altogether. Being a teen at Valerie’s House, I find the most comfort in being around people who know my struggles.

It is also important to remember that everybody grieves differently, and there is no wrong way to grieve. Some children may carry on like normal after a parent dies, or some may crumble. When I spoke to a group of caregivers at a Valerie’s House meeting one night, my advice, as a girl who lost her father at 16, is patience. Remember that whatever your child is going through, unfortunately, they have one less person to help them through the tough times.

The best thing that any guardian or caregiver can provide for a grieving child is support. This is why Children’s Grief Awareness Month is so important. The last thing a grieving child needs is to feel they are going through this process alone. Valerie’s House is a place where providing support to children and their grieving process is the top priority. In honor of National Children’s Grief Awareness Month, I encourage everyone to be conscious of the enormous effect that death has on children, and their grief is not as simple as it may seem on the outside.