New Year, Same Challenges

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Chelsea Harper moved to Southwest Florida after being homeless in Michigan, not long after she met her husband, Tim.

They each had two children before, and after they married, they had two children together. Life as they knew it took a turn when their daughter was two.

“My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer, HPV positive,” said Harper.

Tim’s cancer spread to his stomach, abdomen, lower back, liver and lungs and his health continued to decline.

“Unfortunately, last year at Christmas time, on Christmas Eve, actually. His oxygen level was extremely low and his heartbeat was extremely high, as if he had been running a marathon. He was only sitting in a chair,” Chelsea said.

The following week he went in for a procedure and doctors nicked something. His lungs started bleeding and they couldn’t control it.

Doctors put Tim in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator. It was only supposed to be for a few days but Tim wasn’t getting better.

“On New Year’s Eve, last year was the first time they almost lost him in the middle of the night. He coded for 45 mins,” she said about her husband.

It happened two nights in a row and doctors couldn’t do anymore, so Chelsea asked if they could make Tim comfortable and let him go peacefully.

She said, “I stayed with him. I felt his last heartbeat, I felt his last breath and I dropped to the floor. I don’t remember much more of that night. It’s. Still, it’s so hard even a year later.”

It all happened around the holidays and the New Year. Three days after Tim passed, his good friend reached out to Chelsea and told her about Valerie’s House in Fort Myers. “We set up a time to meet and it was like immediate family, immediate family.”

It wasn’t easy after the loss she just experienced.

“Our first group night, I actually was going to bring them in and I was going to go sit in my car in the parking lot and wait. But I brought the kids in and we got our name tags and they went off to their groups and I went to my group instead of the parking lot. I was like, wow, they’re literally saying all the feelings that I’m hiding inside.”

When grieving, there are moments of strength and weakness, but because of Valerie’s House, it’s a benefit for Chelsea and her children.

“It’s amazing to watch my kids interact with other children knowing they’re going through the same thing.”

Just like adults, kids grieve too. This new year brings new or the same challenges for families like Chelsea’s.

“My youngest son really struggles. He’s been very angry since my husband passed. That’s just how he copes with it, my youngest daughter. She sings she will sing about anything and everything; she sings about her daddy being in the hospital and he went to heaven,” said Chelsea.

But now every time the holidays and the new year roll around.

“It’s been a year. It’s been over 367 days since my husband passed, and it feels like it’s been 24 hours.”

Her story is a reminder that even though it is the new year and a happy time for some, “I mean even this new year everybody at midnight was like Happy New Year on Facebook, I put “New year… not quite so happy”, because for some of us, it’s not.”

Chelsea says, look out for those who you know are struggling or going through something that’s life-changing like death in the family, loss of their home, the loss of a pet even. “Be there for those people and smile at everybody because you never know how a smile can change someone’s day.”