A Guiding Light Through Grief: The Pham Family's Journey with Valerie’s House

For Michael Pham and his daughter Elisa, grief has been a profound journey, marked by the loss of a beloved wife and mother to ovarian cancer. Yet amidst the pain, they found hope and healing through Valerie’s House—a place they describe as a refuge for families navigating loss together.

A Family's Story of Loss and Love

“When Elisa was born, six months after that, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Ovarian cancer, to be exact,” Michael shared. Despite the challenges, the family cherished seven years filled with love and resilience. But the loss of such a vital presence left a void that was difficult to articulate.

Michael explained, “It’s the presence that you sometimes take for granted, but then you really, really miss when it’s gone.”

For Elisa, the memories of her mother’s warmth and talents remain vivid. “She was really nice and smart,” Elisa said. “She was the best at piano. It’s like, I can’t even play ‘The Ash Grove’ like she can. She’s the best.”

Finding Solace at Valerie’s House

After losing his wife, Michael knew his family needed support. “I thought, okay, I need a place for the children and a place for grief. Also, a place for relief, a place for joy,” he said. That place became Valerie’s House.

Elisa described it as “some sort of a safe, inviting refuge for, like, those who lost someone.” She added, “My special person to die was my mom from ovarian cancer.”

For Michael’s son, Anthony, who is now 18, Valerie’s House played a transformative role. “It was truly the worst of times. We had hurricanes, we had mom’s illness, we had COVID,” Michael recalled. “Valerie’s House has been instrumental in helping him see himself in a different light.”

A Community of Healing

Valerie’s House isn’t just a space for grieving—it’s a community where families share their experiences and find strength together. Michael shared, “This is the only place where I can speak my soul. This is the place where we meet and fist bump and talk about our kids’ challenges.”

For Michael, the connection with other fathers at Valerie’s House has been especially meaningful. “It’s very affirming and validating to hear the council of men talking. These are fathers. These aren’t just buddies or, you know, they’re really people who are in the trenches with you.”

Michael emphasized the importance of addressing grief early, especially for children. “The grieving part, that is something that we need help with. And children who are grieving alone will become adults who grieve alone.”

Hope and Connection

Valerie’s House offers not just support, but also hope. Michael likened it to “a guiding light for grief, for people who have experienced grief with children especially.” For Elisa, Valerie’s House helped her process difficult emotions, including feelings of guilt. “The main thing I was feeling, like, when I think about my mom is guilty, because I feel kind of guilty that I was, like, accidentally coughing in her room, and maybe it might have spread the germs,” she shared.

For Michael, the lessons learned at Valerie’s House have become part of his parenting philosophy. “When you have too many feelings to sort out, you focus on hope first,” he said. “And then you remember that when you have hope, you can help others. And we rise by lifting others, and that completes the cycle.”

A Call for More Valerie’s Houses

As the Pham family reflects on their journey, they express gratitude for the impact Valerie’s House has had on their lives—and a desire to see its reach grow. “We need more Valerie’s Houses. We need an army of Valerie’s Houses,” Elisa said passionately.

Michael echoed her sentiment: “It’s a place for rebooting. It’s a place for connection. It’s a place for courage or hope and hope to rise together to help one another.”