WUWF 88.1

By Bob Barrett

Angela Melvin was ten years old in 1987 when her mother, Valerie, was killed in a car accident in Fort Myers. It was a day that set her on a path to find a way to help young people like herself deal with a devastating loss. In 2016, that path finally led her to open Valerie’s House, a Florida-based nonprofit dedicated to helping children who have lost a loved one.

“We’re a special place for grieving children located in Fort Myers, Naples, Punta Gorda, Port Charlotte, and now we’re in Pensacola, Florida," said Melvin in a recorded message on the Valerie’s House website. “Our mission is to help children and families work through their grief together, not alone, and go on to live fulfilling lives.”

The same year Angela suffered her loss, Crista Brandt lost her mother to cancer. Eventually, their paths crossed.

“When Angela started the Valerie’s House down in Southwest Florida, they expanded incredibly fast," said Brandt. “There’s just a massive need that many communities aren’t aware of. Then in 2020, we (started a Valerie’s House chapter) here in Pensacola after Angela and I met and bonded over our shared experiences of losing our moms at a very young age.”

Crista Brandt holds a photo of her mother

Crista Brandt is the founder and regional director of the Pensacola Chapter of Valerie’s House. Once she got the local chapter up and running, she discovered that there were plenty of kids who could use the support Valerie’s House had to offer.

“You’d be surprised how many kids there are grieving in our area," said Brandt. “What we do know is that 1 in 14 children in Santa Rosa County, and 1 in 11 in Escambia (County) are predicted to lose a parent or sibling by the age of 18.”

For the first couple of years, the local chapter held its group sessions at the Big Brothers/Big Sisters headquarters in Pensacola. Late last year, they found and purchased a new, permanent location on East Gadsden Street thanks to a $500,000 donation from the Chadbourne Foundation. The home, which had recently been used as a law office, was built in 1904 and has almost 2,500 square feet of space, most of which will be used for client intake, group support meetings, snacking, and anything that meets the needs of young people who have suffered a loss, and their caregivers.

“Really, the biggest thing with children who have lost somebody they are close to is that they don’t even understand all the various emotions that they are feeling," said Brandt, sitting on a sofa in one of the many group-meeting rooms at the new location. “(Most of) society in general just puts ‘sadness’ as the main emotion that accompanies grief. But it’s actually not. And, especially in kids, it comes out and comes across in other ways. So, what we help them do is focus, understand (and) identify all the various emotions. We talk about what those are. There’s a lot of guilt; some are worried, some are anxious, depressed. Anger is a very big one. So we help them understand those so they can recognize that those are all normal feelings and it’s okay. Now, how do we actually work and process through those.”

Brandt says another important part of the Valerie’s House experience is connecting children with others in their same age group who are going through the same feelings of loss.

“They normally aren’t going to know anybody else in their immediate circle going through, or has gone through, a loss similar to them. So, when they come to Valerie’s House, what we give them is that connection with other kids, their same age, going through similar experiences so that they know that they are not alone.”

The bottom line for the group is trying to prevent the consequences of unsupported grief, not only for the children, but also for society as well.

“We know that 30% of the children in Florida’s juvenile detention system have lost a parent," explained Brandt. “We know that those who are unsupported are more likely to partake in small, petty criminal activities, risk-taking behavior, self-harming behavior, they are five times more likely to struggle with addiction and five times more likely to struggle with anxiety and depression way into adulthood. We’re not just changing the trajectory of kids’ lives today, but we are really changing the trajectory of their lives in the future and the lives that they will touch in the future.”

The main focus of Valerie’s House is on school-age children, from K through 12. Caregivers also meet while the young people are having their sessions, and accommodations can be made for very young children, if for nothing else, than to give caregivers a break so that the older kids can get the help they need.

Currently, there are no specific sub-groups for children who have lost siblings rather than parents or for sudden, violent losses, but Brandt says that is a goal for the future.

“Someone who dies from cancer is a different situation from someone who is murdered. So we want to be able to hone in on more of the loss-specific circumstances and offer very specific group nights," said Brandt. "That’s something that we will grow into. Right now, everybody comes together, no matter what their loss is."

The Valerie’s House chapter in Pensacola has only two paid full-time employees and one part-timer. The rest of the organization is run by volunteers. They will be holding another volunteer training session in late July, just before the new school year begins. Volunteers are needed on group nights to be group buddies. Help is also needed for running community events and even some of the administration work; it all depends on a volunteer’s skills, experience, and availability.

“We are growing with our volunteer base," added Brandt. "We are incredibly thankful. We actually have a lot of volunteers from UWF. Some whom have had loss in their childhood. They are also healing as they help the children heal. It’s really a beautiful process.”

There are about 250 people enrolled in the local Valerie’s House program. Brandt says the easiest way to get information about enrolling or volunteering is on their Facebook page.

Link to the news article: https://www.wuwf.org/local-news/2023-06-12/valeries-house-pensacola-offers-a-safe-place-for-children-who-have-lost-a-loved-one